Written Dec 2014: I bought a ring for my daughter from the Christian book store a few months ago. It is a simple ring with a scripture engraved around it. It cost me $5. I didn’t want to spend a great amount of money as she has a habit of losing things. And this was no exception. The difference is that since she has had it, she has lost it 3 times. Each time, it was returned to her. One time, she had taken it off and placed it on the roof of her father’s car. He drove away, went to work, went to the store, and drove home. When he got home, he saw it on the roof of his car! The only way that could have stayed there was if God was holding it there with his finger! It is a $5 ring, but for some reason God values it far more than we do. It seems to be reminiscent of my life. There have been so many times that I have said things or done things because I did not value myself. Many times I had even given up on myself. But God had His finger on me all along. When I was in some of the darkest places of my life, I read my Bible more than any other time. And even though I knew I didn’t have the strength to change what I was in, I also knew I wasn’t alone. When I was at my most suicidal, when I would be ready and willing myself to go ahead, it was then that the presence of God was with me like a physical person telling me that it wasn’t always going to be this way. How many times has God redeemed me? How much does He value me? Matthew chapter 6 tells me that I am worth far more than the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. And God provides for their every need. Hasn’t He provided for me? Hasn’t He found me and washed me off and restored me each time I ran back to the muck? Hasn’t He been patient with me? Does He really value me that much? Sometimes I think that He won’t help me out of this mess because I created it myself. But He never leaves me. Even this past year, He has permanently removed the threat to the lives of my family that was embodied in my ex-husband. He also miraculously rescued us from financial peril. And has begun a great healing in our hearts. But I wonder how much more is possible? Acts 9 tells the story of Saul’s conversion. In verse 5, in some translations, it says, “it is hard for you to kick against the goads.” I looked that up recently and found that generally speaking it says, if you keep fighting Me, you are going to get hurt. Now Saul stopped fighting against God and put his full energies into aligning himself with God. And look at the result! Verse 15 of the same chapter God says of Saul, “he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name…” Am I not also a chosen vessel? Perhaps it is time for me to stop kicking against the goads and align myself with what God is trying to do in my life and through my life. If God didn’t have to spend all of His time and energy dragging me along, but rather I willingly ran the race beside Him? What might He be able to accomplish then? That seems like a daunting task though. Wouldn’t I have to layer myself in rules and prepare to join a convent or something? Thankfully, no. Matthew 6:33 tells me what to do, “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” I only have to seek God. He will do the rest. No worries about how God is going to work. I just need to be willing to be used. I need to have a heart open to hear Him. And seek Him. Matthew chapter 7 says that everyone who seeks finds. That is a promise I can hold on to. Should I be afraid of what He might ask of me? No. I am doing it already. Paul tells me in Acts 20:24 what God wants me to do, “but I do not count my life of any value to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the good news of God’s grace.” It is that simple. Seek, find and tell. So, the choice is mine. Will I continue to fight against Him and get hurt? Or will I tie on my running shoes and see where the Lord will take me?


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