Written Sept 2012: I just finished a book, “One thousand gifts,” that touches on these topics. Often times I would think that if I had to be content, then that meant denying myself and I would get this pity party started. And while there is a lot of self denial involved, it isn’t about going without, as much as it is having the Lord fill in the missing pieces. It is about recognizing that He loves me. ME. And He chose ME. And He wants me to be in a real, vibrant love relationship with Him. My perspective has to change. My expectation that somehow I deserve something or He owes me something is simply erroneous. He has given me things that I have yet to recognize and when I open my eyes to those gifts of love, then I will find contentment and joy. It took me a while to think about what I was longing for. But in the end I believe it is an intimate relationship with one who knows me and loves me completely. And while we often think that this is an earthly husband – it is not. They are still human and are therefore incapable of being able to completely satisfy that longing. Only God Himself can. He can fill my longing for acceptance and love and intimacy of spirit and soul that no one else can. In church on Sunday the sermon was taken from 2 Kings 3. Here God told the people to dig ditches for water that He would provide. There were two points here: first, they were required to do the work to receive the blessing, therefore we need to put the work into our relationship with Him; secondly the amount of work that we put into it, is directly proportional to the blessing or depth of filling that God will provide. So, if they only dug one shallow ditch, they would have only gotten a little water. For me, if I want to be completely satisfied in my inmost being by an intimate relationship with the One who passionately pursues me, then I need to dig for it. I need to put the effort in. But oh, the reward! There is nothing more wonderful than to be free to be me and know that I am wholly and completely loved and carried in His arms. I don’t want that just to be theological head knowledge, but my actual daily experience of God in my life. I want to live abundantly in joy all because of Him, not anything the world can/has given me. And if I can, then I should be able to be content with whatever circumstances/challenges that come my way.